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The family business
I don't know what to even think right now....

This guy that I've been with for almost a year fuckin cheated on me by sleeping with a hooker. I'm so fuckin disgusted with him right now I don't even know what to do about this. I mean he's lying to me about the fact it happened when he even went for testing today with his best friend! (We live in a faci!city so its mandatory that it get done.) I mean was pussy that fucking important to you that you had to pay for it and fuck up the one good thing you had in here?! I smh at the whole situation because we wanted to get out of here and get married, have a few kids and settle down. Now that future is up in the air because of this. Do I continue to trust him or just walk away? If I walk away, I know he's going to lay on the charm to drag me back and knowing me I'll go back because I love him. Argh! What to do in a fucked up situation like this.....

Current Mood: crushed crushed

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So I have been with my boyfriend since April of last year. we met in the rehab I live in three years ago when I first moved here and while it wasn't quite love at first sight for me it was for him. I was dating someone else at the time that he told me he was in love with me. I had been steadily developing feelings for him over the two years that I was with the other guy. So we ended up sleeping together. Now were in this relationship and I really want to marry him but my family thinks I'm wasting my life since I'm 27 and he's 45. But I really love him. I want to have kids with him and everything. I can see myself having a future with him. Am I crazy for wanting this?

Current Mood: confused confused

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So I've been at Holyoke rehab center for 3 years now, over that actually and I'm no closer to leaving. I don't know what it's going to take for me to leave but I'm working on it. My social worker is a moron. I try and tell her to get things done and she never does. So I don't know what to do! I don't feel like I'm never getting out of here my moms no help either I feel like I'm at an impasse. The only good thing here is my boyfriend, he's the only thing in my life that gets me going because he treats me so nice he just recently got me a necklace and I love him to death. But I want to go home and my mother doesn't understand that she thinks this place is the best place on earth for me. If she lived here for maybe one day she wouldn't last she go crazy I know it.

Current Mood: grumpy grumpy

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So the inevitable happened...I got kicked out of my group home. I knew it was going to happen, I mean all the times i had sex with evan? We both got kicked out and I knew it was going to happen. I hate feeling like this, with no place to go! I know it was my own fault but still!

Current Mood: angry angry

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Have you ever been in love with someone you knew was wrong for you yet you loved them anyway? That's the prediciment i'm in now. I love evan but I know I shouldn't. It's not right since I got him kicked out for gaving sex with me. But for some reason I do love him.

Is it that I'm a glutton for torture or just crazy? I lost daniel for this whole thing and now i'm chasing Evan for no good reason. I know I need help but who can help me now, I'm too far gone. I don't know what to do anymore. Things went to shit so fast.

Current Location: At home
Current Mood: Crappy

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I can't believe it's been a year since Rachey passed away. Things seem to stand still for me today ya know, like time just stopped. It hurts so much to know she's gone and I'll never hear her laughter or see her sign on to AIM again. She was a shooting star in this world, here one moment and gone the next. She is forever in my heart though.

Rachey, know I forever love you and I will see you one day. Keep a lookout for me up there!

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Current Mood: crushed crushed

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Ok so let me fill you guys in on what's been going on in my life.

Me and Daniel have been fighting lately over little things like my weight and money. I can't stand things like that and it's really driving me nuts. and to top everything else off, I'm falling for Evan again. He's always there for me when I need someone to talk to and need a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what to do about Daniel because I care about him deeply but I realized that I don't love him in the way I used to. I know that he cares about me a lot and that he loves me but i don't love him back. Now about Evan, he's dating someone else.....so I'm shit out of luck. I hate that and it makes me feel like shit all the time. I don't know what to do, if I should tell him I love him or if i should just leave it alone.

Current Mood: blah blah

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Yah know, life sucks sometimes....I just got dismissed from a volunteer job I was at. They freakin fired me from a VOLUNTEER JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOOSE A VOULUNTEER JOB?!

I was working there for a while and they finally got fed up with me leaving all the time and they said that I forgot to mention that i had moved. Fuck them then. I can't stand that they get pissed off at me for the littlest of things.

Things at the house are going better. That guy Evan and me are getting along okay. We decided to be friends only and I mean I'm okay with that. I still care about him but I can't do shit about how I feel.

Current Mood: crappy crappy

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I recently moved into a community residence and there's this guy that I really like....but the only problem is that he has a girlfriend.

Ok here's the deal. He had been broken up with his girlfriend and decided that he wanted to hook up with me, so he did. Then a few days after that, he got back together with her and broke my heart. Then he decides to continue to fuck me over and tell me that we could get together if his girlfriend wasn't a factor. So now I'm all fucked up and confused.

Current Mood: angry angry

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So I know I haven't posted in this journal in a long time and that's because I haven't had the time. SO remember me telling you guys about Daniel? Well we called it quits after 2 1/2 years.


I still love him and all but it just wasn't working anymore, I was starting to question my feelings for him and all and it just wasn't working. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow and see what happens in the future. IF we're meant to be then it will work out.

Current Mood: depressed depressed

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